The Truth About Lying
By John Boe
Some people can't tell a lie, others can't tell the truth
and unfortunately, most people can't tell the difference.
Can you tell when someone is pulling the wool over
your eyes? Whether you're an attorney selecting a jury,
a manager interviewing a new agent or a salesperson
making a presentation, your ability to quickly and
accurately discern the truth greatly enhances your
effectiveness. Fortunately, having the ability to sort
fact from fiction is an important communication skill
that can be learned.
Aside from con men, compulsive liars and some
politicians, most people become uncomfortable
when telling a lie and transmit their deceitful
behavior through their body language. While they
may sound convincing, their gestures speak louder
than their words. Consequently, they reveal their
deceit nonverbally. While it's not always easy to spot
deceptive behavior, there are many subtle yet discernable
clues to the trained eye.
Body language is a mixture of movement, posture and
tone of voice. Studies show that nonverbal communication
has a much greater impact and reliability than the spoken
word. Therefore, if a person's words are incongruent
with his or her body language gestures, you would be
wise to rely on the body language as a more accurate
reflection of their true feelings. During the selling process
it's important to remember that body language is not a
one-way street. While you're evaluating your prospect's
body language for signs of honesty and credibility, he or
she is subconsciously observing and reacting to your
gestures as well.
Some People Can't Handle the Truth
The truth sometimes hurts and few business or personal
relationships could survive the harsh reality of total honesty.
While honesty is certainly the best policy, the truth is, that
in our day-to-day encounters, it's not always diplomatic
or socially acceptable to be completely honest. To spare
the feelings of others, we have learned the usefulness
of telling half-truths, fibs and white lies.
During the selling process, some people have difficulty saying
“no” and will actually tell you that they are interested in order
to avoid potential conflict. As the pressure of making a
decision builds, prospects will frequently use half-truths or lies
to either stall or disengage from the selling sequence. While
their words say “yes,” their body language indicates “no.” By
being able to recognize the inconsistency between your
prospect's words and his or her gestures, it is often possible to
flush out their concerns, overcome their objections and make
the sale.
See No Evil - Hear No Evil - Speak No Evil
Eye, nose and mouth movement, along with hand gestures,
are the four major nonverbal cues typically associated with lying.
The statue of the Three Wise Monkeys accurately depicts
the primary hand-to-face gestures associated with deceit. When
a person is doubtful or lying, they'll often use their fingers to
block their mouth as if they were filtering their words. This hand-
to-mouth gesture is commonly referred to as “speak no evil.”
The second hand gesture associated with deceit is called “see no
evil,” and it occurs when a person rubs or touches his or her
eye(s). The third hand gesture “hear no evil” is displayed when
a person covers or drills a finger into his or her ear(s).
If people use one of these gestures while they're talking, it
indicates that they are being deceitful. On the other hand,
if they are displaying one of these gestures while someone
else is talking it indicates that they doubt the truthfulness
of what is being said. These three gestures should be
considered red flags. When you encounter one of these
gestures during your presentation, it is a good idea to gently
probe the subject matter with open-ended questions to
encourage your prospect to voice his or her concern.
In addition to the three hand-to-face gestures, eye movement is
another reliable indication of deceit. It's normal for a person
to look up to his or her left when thinking about the past and up
to the right when thinking about the future. If you ask a person
a question from his or her past and they look up to their right,
they're making up a response. Law enforcement personnel and
customs agents are trained to routinely monitor eye movement
during interviews.
Micro Gestures
According to Paul Ekman, professor of psychology at the
University of California, San Francisco, two of the most common
micro gestures that are associated with deceit are the nose
wrinkle and the mouth curl. The nose wrinkle is the same
gesture that occurs naturally when you smell something
offensive. The other facial micro gesture is a slight downward
curl of the corners of the mouth. Even liars who make a
conscious effort to suppress all of their major body gestures,
will still transmit micro gestures. People sometimes lie, but
their body language always tells the truth!
John Boe presents a wide variety of motivational and
sales-oriented keynotes and seminar programs for sales
meetings and conventions. John is a nationally recognized
sales trainer and business motivational speaker with an
impeccable track record in the meeting industry. To have
John speak at your next event, visit www.johnboe.com or
call 877 725-3750. Free Newsletter available on website.
Word Count (w/o contact information): 805
Category: Sales Training
© Copyright 2004-2008, John Boe International
Publishing Guidelines: This article may be freely
reproduced electronically or in print, provided
that it is published as written and includes contact
information. A courtesy copy would be appreciated.
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